Bad descisions can have good outcomes

Twelve hours of the bustling city followed by a crowded train ride home where the conductor apologizes for the over packed cars and refers to this as 'meet your neighbor night' on the Bergen County Main Line. I fall asleep and drop my ticket on the floor only to wake at my stop unaware of whether or not a conductor had even checked to see the pass. What a good night to be a stowaway on the commuter line. The exhaustion in my eyes was not accepted by my mind. Although it was late and I was tired, I was determined to head back to Vermont the moment I got back to my car.

I stopped by to say goodbye to some of my friends at The Office, refusing to park and go in because of the strange moments where everyone pretends they care what everyone else has been up to. Then I hit the road with a consistent speed after stopping to get gas and a bottle of wine. The liqueur stores would be closed when I arrived home and wine might be needed to calm my mind after a long day. Then I made the decision to take some caffeine pills that I bought at the liqueur store. This was the beginning of a wonderful experience where I learned the value of checking the labels on medication. An hour into the trip I was on a high produced by the effects of caffeine that equaled eight cups of coffee. There was nothing to do but turn up the music and continue driving.

There are very few ways to speed up a trip like this. First, you can drive at reckless high speeds and hope that you don't get snared by the radar gun of a state trooper. Second, you can control your liquid intake and avoid momentary stops at all costs. I decided to do both. A consistent speed of seventy five miles an hour, not reckless but just fast enough to pick up a few minutes each hour, and a dry mouth where my caffeine stimulated jaw clacked the whole way. This was working out well and left me with a projected travel time of just under six hours. Then, I realized that taking a bunch of caffeine pills was not the only bad decision I had made.

The rain came down quickly and within minutes I began to notice the white build ups on the side of the road. Maybe it was the caffeine, or perhaps it was the effect of an exhausted mind, but I believed for a minute that what I was looking at was salt that had been spread out in a pre-emptive show of force against the coming snow. Then I began to consider that snow didn't often form three inch high piles on the edges of the lanes. I slowed down and hit a moment on the road where the temperature changed from almost cold enough to just cold enough. The snow was spread over the road and above a fine layer of black ice. My consistent speed and lack of liquids could do nothing to help me now. I puttered along at thirty miles an hour hoping that my snow tires would hold the road and keep me safe.

The snow continued and blizzard conditions arrived. Ah, the Adirondacks at midnight with a white out accompanied by winds that threatened to push my car into the crowded ditch. Every few moments I saw another disabled vehicle, stopped and offered help, then pulled away to find the next. On a gentle upward slope three tractor trailers were jack knifed and stuck in the middle of the two lane highway. Police were stopped near by and their blue lights reflected off of the snow in silence. I reached a point where I was unsure whether or not the road was closed so I rolled down the window and waited for the trooper to roll down his. He motioned with his finger to go around and I drive through the non-plowed shoulder around the staggered cargo vehicles before making into a clearing. There was no one else on the road and I realized that I wouldn't be in a good spot if I was to lose control. The possibility of death became a reality and I welcomed the challenge.

This sort of mentality comes to me in the winter when I snow shoe. Snow shoeing, as we can all tell, is not really an extreme sport by itself. So with the hopes of finding one of the many adventures that await us in every moment I often will jump off of small cliffs, take different paths, and walk over frozen rivers to get the adrenaline shooting through my heart. Then I transform a pleasant walk in a winter wonderland into my very own K2 experience that may cause me to loose a limb from frostbite. Intense. I love it.

So the road stayed bad and even got worse when I reached the point where the plow trucks called it quits. I took the exit and began my twenty mile an hour journey over the last edge of the Adirondacks towards Vermont. My only fear at this point was that the bridge would be closed. It wasn't and after I entered Vermont I began to scream wildly with the windows open in celebration. The car slid to the right a little sending the back end into a friendly flutter before I gained control once again. I cursed myself for almost losing it after going so far without an incident. The commentary of a long solo drive is quite interesting and allows one true insight into the parts of the personality that we hide. I was quite vulgar in my expression of malice towards myself for losing focus for that split second.

Of course the roads clear for the last hour of the journey. There would be no fun in a snowy drive down the roads that I know well. No. It would be much more fun to get that winter blast when heading through curvy mountain passes with potholes that could easily swallow one of my tires whole. So it was four am when I pulled into my town which was amidst a planned black out for some construction purpose. I notice the completely black structures as I slow down and turn my headlights off. There was enough light from the stars and moon beyond the clouds to light my path through main street in Johnson. It is always when I am about to pull into my driveway that I realize how I have developed a sick desire to keep going in the hopes of finding another story, another moment where my life is at stake, another time when I can bask in the glory of a bad decision. Then I realize that there is always tomorrow.

Then tomorrow turned to today and I have once again made a beautiful mistake. This was supposed to be homework time. I did a little writing for one of my stories scheduled to be in next weeks paper before putting on the tunes and telling you this story. Don't go driving through mountain blizzards or putting off homework to create unless you are prepared to enjoy making the wrong choice. Developing this skill has left me with the exciting knowledge that even the mistakes we make in life are as full of intention as the conscious decisions. Close your eyes and lean back. You never know what could happen.