There is no music accompanying this entry

Presently I am outside of Augusta, ME in a little house with rolling fields behind it. It is quiet here and the chill from outside finds a way to creep through the walls in certain spots. There may be some sort of bland existence present right now but I have no desire to be a part of it. This is simple and I don't really know how to say what I feel. There are emotions raging through me from past pain, recent loss, and this sense of loneliness that has come to fill the hollow space next to my heart. My good friend sent me a text message last night saying that he thinks I understand him and that he understands me. Well no shit brother. We are family and have been for years. There are friends and then there are brothers. There wasn't a day in our lives when this guy was just a friend. He has always been a brother. So why the doubt? Or the need to reassure me of this truth via text message? Have things gotten that bad in New Jersey? There is not always time for outside reassurance. I am in Maine. Therefore, I must rely on my mind and the golden fields stretching past the backyard. Well Ted, the feeling is mutual. We both are understanding of both being understanding of each other. Lets just simplify this. We are brothers.

There is a pretty heavy cynical tone I am feeling through these words. I'm not happy to see this feeling present. Then again, this is the chain reaction of emotion in action. Not being happy about this makes it worse, or perhaps it gives me the ability to look down at my clicking fingers and wonder what I could possibly not like about this. This act is not lacking pleasure, but the motivations behind it are not pure. There are other things to do before I can continue on about the travels through Maine and the journey home tonight. If I don't take care of those little tasks I may not have the opportunity to connect with myself and transcribe this moment.

Just give me some time. Give yourself some time. Lets reconnect in a few when the sun has risen beyond the hills and ignited all that is beautiful in the world. Until then....